A Friend Request Doesn't Make You Friends

I don't entirely blame Facebook for the misconception we have as a society regarding the word "friend".  We've misunderstood the word long before Facebook came along.  But a friend request isn't the same thing as making a real friend.  You're actually just making an acquaintance.   You may share views, likes, dislikes et cetera, but you don't know them on a personal level and they don't know you.  You are associates, casually aware of one another in a continual social situation.

The misinterpretation is apparent in most of our social interactions.  We assume that because we see someone often that they are a friend.  We work with them.  We bowl with them.  We live next door to them. We see them at the coffee shop every morning.  But when are their birthdays?  Who are their parents?  What are the names of their children?  Do you know your way around their kitchen?  If disaster was to strike and you needed their help, would they be there or have some excuse why they aren't?  Would you lend them money?

To become friends requires history and the intimate knowledge of one another that only comes through that history.  To become friends requires more than mutual respect.  It requires love.  Yes, you can love someone without sex.  To love your friend is to accept them unconditionally through highs and lows yours and theirs.  It's to make them an extended part of your family.  Most importantly though, to become friends requires time and effort.

This is not only on your part, mind you. The person you are trying to become friends with must put in the work too or it isn't a friendship.  Anyone can do you a favor and expect something in return.  A true friend will do you a favor and not even think to ask.

We may have many associates and acquaintances in our lives, but there are very few in our circles who can, by definition, be called friends.  It is wise to know the difference.  That way, you know who you can count on and who you can't.

I prefer to be more cautious than most with who I allow to share my friendship with.  This means a smaller circle of trusted friends and by society's standards this small circle means I'm not as "popular" as I'm supposed to want to be.  Yet, popularity contests are won based on false pretenses and I prefer quality to quantity.  Does this make me antisocial?  If so, then I embrace my antisocial status and encourage others to do the same.

Anyone can say they're friends.  They probably aren't.  There is no crime in putting substance first in our relationships and if we all were to do this, we may find ourselves less popular but more fulfilled.